Recently, I wrote about the\u00a0scarcity mindset: a zero-sum way of seeing the world that makes it hard to find joy. Scarcity mindset teaches us that there\u2019s a limited amount of good stuff in the world, and everything we want in life must come at a cost to someone else. It elevates competition over collaboration, hoarding over sharing.<\/p>\n
The scarcity mindset claims to be \u201cthe way things are\u201d \u2014 a true reflection of the constraints that exist in the world. But look a little deeper, and we find that scarcity is more often imposed than natural. It\u2019s pervasive form of conditioning that trains us to see the world through a lens of insufficiency.<\/p>\n
But we don\u2019t have to live this way. We can choose to create an abundance mindset: to understand that life is not a zero-sum game, that our every joy does not have to come from another\u2019s loss, that there is more than enough to go around.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s one thing to say this, though, and another to actually believe it. Unlearning a scarcity mindset doesn\u2019t happen overnight and neither does creating an abundance mentality. I\u2019ve been working at it for years, and I\u2019m still working on it. Because it\u2019s such an entrenched way of thinking in our society, scarcity often sneaks into daily interactions. So I thought it might help to share how to develop an abundance mindset: simple shifts and practices that can help you reframe your thinking.<\/p>\n
One of the things that keeps us stuck in a scarcity mentality is that it\u2019s so easy to think about what we don\u2019t have, and so hard to remember all that we do. Focusing on gratitude helps tip the scales back in the other direction, focusing your attention on the abundance that already exists in your life.<\/p>\n
As you practice gratitude for the things in your life, the joy you find in those things increases. This builds a foundation for an abundance mindset, because it lets you come from a place of already having abundance, as opposed to coming from a place of lack and insufficiency.<\/p>\n
One note of caution here: expressing gratitude doesn\u2019t mean you have to pretend that everything is perfect in your life, or that you should feel guilty for having anything but a positive mindset.<\/p>\n
\u201cUnhappy in your job? Be grateful you have a job!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAngry at your parents for violating your boundaries? You should be grateful that they care so much about you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cFeeling like you need to get out of a bad relationship? Be grateful you have such a great father for your kids!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n This \u201cgratitude\u201d doesn\u2019t cultivate abundance. It\u2019s actually the scarcity mindset in disguise, telling you that there isn\u2019t enough to go around, so you should feel lucky that you have anything at all. When you\u2019re practicing gratitude, it\u2019s ok to acknowledge that life isn\u2019t perfect. And it\u2019s ok to recognize that you have things\u00a0others<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0might be grateful for, but aren\u2019t right for you. These admissions only clarify and deepen the genuine gratitude you have for the things you truly love in your life.<\/p>\n There are lots of ways to practice gratitude, from journaling to writing letters of thanks to people who have helped you in the past. One of my favorites is to do it aloud, with your partner or a friend. Albert often asks me, \u201cWhat are three things you\u2019re grateful for this weekend?\u201d and we take turns sharing. This simple question is a low-pressure way to make gratitude a regular part of your routine.<\/p>\n Giving is a practice of abundance. It tells your mind, \u201cI have enough to spare that I can give this to someone else.\u201d Whether you\u2019re giving a generous tip or donating to a cause you care about or bringing cookies to a neighbor, giving helps override the scarcity mindset\u2019s inclination to hoard the good things in life.<\/p>\n For many people with an entrenched scarcity mindset, generosity can feel like a virtue that\u2019s hard to access. You may wonder why it seems so easy for others to be generous and why you struggle so much with it. The reason could be that at some point in your life, you didn\u2019t get enough of what you needed (food, attention, or even love), and the impulse to hoard is an attempt to fill this hole. If this sounds familiar, small, frequent gifts can be a way to remind this part of your unconscious that you\u2019re an adult, that you can take care of yourself, and you don\u2019t have to worry about not having enough.<\/p>\n To find ways to give that feel meaningful, take note of when others\u2019 generosity\u00a0toward you<\/em>\u00a0has really mattered. For example, I was blown away by some of the baby gifts we received during the pandemic, from people who were not especially close to us. It made me feel so loved in such a hard time. Sending baby gifts now feels like a chance to channel that love and share it with others.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s one characteristic of people with an abundance mindset: they don\u2019t chase status. Let me explain why.<\/p>\n Status is conferred by awards and accolades, membership in exclusive clubs, endorsements by powerful people, or approval by the masses. People play status games to gain power and influence within systems of scarcity. Harvard admissions is a status game. The bestseller list is a status game. Titles within corporations are status games. Celebrity is obviously a total status game. Status games are incredibly addicting because we have been conditioned to associate status with worth. Status feels like a shiny gold star of approval.<\/p>\n But status is inherently a scarcity game. There is no such thing as status without a hierarchy. So to have status means that others need to have less status. They need to be less influential, less powerful. And herein lies the rub: status is never secure. Anytime you have status, you are at risk of losing it. Publish a bestselling debut book and your second book is a flop? You\u2019ve lost status. Marry the most eligible bachelor who later turns out to gamble away all your money? You\u2019ve lost status. Not to mention that even when you have status, there will always be someone else with a higher status. Status is incredibly fickle.<\/p>\n So if status shouldn\u2019t be your gold-standard, what should? Don\u2019t worry, I\u2019m getting to that\u2026<\/p>\n Instead of status, set goals that focus on wealth. You know how I said status is fickle? Well wealth doesn\u2019t depend on anyone else\u2019s approval.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s how you can distinguish the two: Status reflects your place in the social hierarchy. Wealth is having enough resources (money, health, connections, etc.) to live the life you want to live. (Credit to Naval Ravikant for this distinction.)<\/p>\n Your definition of wealth might look different from others. You might feel you need millions to be wealthy. You might feel wealthy if you have enough to control my time and the things you get to work on. Another person\u2019s definition of wealth might be about living in a small cabin in the woods and fishing all day \u2014 not having much in the way of material goods, but access to the wealth of nature.<\/p>\n (Again, I have to put the billionaire caveat in \u2014 unless your definition of wealth is so extreme that you make it impossible for most people to achieve it for themselves. But this is not most people\u2019s desire.) There aren\u2019t a fixed number of spots. There\u2019s no \u201cbest.\u201d<\/p>\n As someone who was raised to chase awards and praise and see official approval as a sign of success, I\u2019ve found this shift to be a profound one. It has relieved a ton of pressure, and allowed me to focus on doing work that really matters to me rather than what\u2019s seen as most prestigious. It allows me to be truly happy when others succeed in their careers, because I truly don\u2019t feel like I\u2019m in competition with them. I don\u2019t feel like we\u2019re playing some win-lose game; we\u2019re each playing our own games.<\/p>\n You may still want to win an award or be recognized by a certain powerful someone. But it becomes a means to an end, rather than a goal in itself. So for example, you might want to be published in the New York Times. If you\u2019re imagining how good it will feel to put \u201cpublished in the New York Times\u201d on your website and tell people about it, that\u2019s a status motivation, and not achieving the goal feels like failure.<\/p>\n But if you\u2019re thinking about getting published as a way to build your business, which will help you retire early so you can spend more time with your grandkids, that\u2019s a wealth motivation. The benefit of a wealth orientation is that there are always multiple ways to go about reaching the goal. If you don\u2019t get published in the Times, you can get published somewhere else, or you can pitch podcasts to do interviews, or you can set up partnerships, or run ads. There are many paths to success.<\/p>\n To practice shifting from status to wealth orientation, it can help to define what success looks like for you without using any external markers. What would you have? How would it feel? How would you spend your time? By focusing on what success feels like in your life, as opposed to how it looks from the outside, you give yourself permission to stop playing scarcity-based status games.<\/p>\n So we\u2019ve talked about a broader definition of wealth and how you can decide how to shape your unique, abundant life. But it\u2019s important to address the word\u2019s most literal translation: it\u2019s time to talk about money.<\/p>\n Money is one of those subject areas where our scarcity myths really rear their ugly heads \u2013 where societal messages, family teachings, and life experiences combine to create a confusing, competitive mess.<\/p>\n But because of this, it\u2019s also an area of opportunity. We can use money (and its clear connection to our scarcity scripts) to practice cultivating an abundance mindset.<\/p>\n When you hear yourself think one of these thoughts on the left, try rewriting it in your own words:<\/p>\n Money makes people greedy and selfish.\u00a0><\/strong>\u00a0The more I have, the more I can share.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I\u2019ll never have what they have. > There are many different paths to joy, I am free to make my own.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I don\u2019t have enough. > There\u2019s more than enough to go around.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n You have to fight to get your piece of the pie. > We can grow the whole pie, not just our individual piece.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Your gain is my loss. > When you win, we all win.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n <\/p>\n Here\u2019s a rewrite of that last script: a rising tide lifts all boats.<\/p>\n This is something I learned firsthand when I published JOYFUL. In the lead up to its release, I really didn\u2019t know what to expect from other authors. Wrestling with my own scarcity scripts, I worried that others in the happiness space would see my book as competition.<\/p>\n So imagine my surprise to find that my colleagues weren\u2019t just accepting of JOYFUL, they were thrilled to help me promote it. Because they already knew what I was just discovering: that people interested in reading these books weren\u2019t choosing one of our books over the other. They were reading it all \u2014 diving deep into a topic we all cared about. There was no need to gate-keep a readership when we could continue growing it, together.<\/p>\n Now, this is just my experience. Of course, I can\u2019t speak for other authors in other genres! But in a world where we\u2019re taught to compete, celebrating when other people win can feel like a breath of fresh air.<\/p>\n When you\u2019re used to scarcity \u2014 to looking around wondering if you\u2019re going to get your fair share \u2014 there is something deeply healing about experiencing absolute abundance.<\/p>\n For us, that\u2019s no limit tomato time. During a few golden weeks in the summer, the farm by our house is bursting at the vines with Graham\u2019s favorite food: tomatoes. Usually, there are guidelines around where to pick and how much to harvest. But there\u2019s a point in the season when they are so abundant that it\u2019s an absolute free-for-all. G sits in the row with his half-empty basket, seeds dripping from his chin. We could pick all afternoon and still be surrounded by ripe tomatoes.<\/p>\n Think about an experience where there\u2019s more than enough to go around. (Hint: it might be seasonal!) When you feel a sense of scarcity sneaking up on you, give yourself an abundance break.<\/p>\n When you experience something that brings you joy, this can be a perfect time to practice cultivating an abundance mindset by savoring it. When you savor, you take a fleeting experience and extend it. You intensify the pleasure you feel and etch it deeply into your memory. In research, savoring has been shown to increase both momentary joy and overall happiness and well-being.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re new to savoring, a great place to start is by focusing on the sensorial qualities of an experience. Notice the textures, colors, sounds, and scents, and let yourself become aware of how these different sensations contribute to the joy you feel.<\/p>\n What happens when you get asked to do something you really don\u2019t want to do? Do you respond, \u201cOh I\u2019m so sorry, but I can\u2019t do that right now. I\u2019m soooooo busy.\u201d If so, you\u2019ve just used scarcity as an excuse.<\/p>\n Scarcity excuses make you feel like you\u2019re setting boundaries (\u201dI said no!\u201d) but are actually an appeal to external constraints to\u00a0avoid<\/em>\u00a0setting boundaries. By saying \u201cI can\u2019t do this,\u201d instead of \u201cI don\u2019t want to do this\u201d or \u201cThis isn\u2019t a priority for me,\u201d you give up your agency over your time and simultaneously reinforce your sense of time scarcity. (If you\u2019re always telling yourself \u201cI\u2019m too busy,\u201d when it comes time to rest, you\u2019ll find it\u2019s very hard to do because your unconscious mind has bought into the idea that you are in fact, too busy to relax.)<\/p>\n Yes, it\u2019s easier to claim you don\u2019t have time to do something. But by making intentional choices and honestly stating your priorities, you reclaim your ownership over your time, and it begins to feel a lot more abundant.<\/p>\n When we think of abundance, a lot of people picture a holiday table piled high with treats. The holidays always remind me of these\u00a0words of wisdom from author Sarah Copeland\u00a0on how to enjoy without going overboard. When presented with an array of delicious foods, Sarah reminds herself, \u201cThis is all here for me.<\/strong>\u00a0But I don\u2019t have to have all of it right now.<\/strong>\u00a0And I don\u2019t have to have it all in this moment, I don\u2019t have to eat it all today. And maybe there are certain weeks or months or years when I don\u2019t need any of it, but it\u2019s there for me to have again if I want it.\u201d<\/p>\n When we say no to ourselves, so often it comes from a place of deprivation. \u201cI can\u2019t have that,\u201d we might say. Or \u201cI shouldn\u2019t have that.\u201d These denials turn abundance into scarcity, by making us feel limited and constrained. What I love about Sarah\u2019s approach is that it reframes the choice to say in terms of abundance. If we know that abundance is available to us in the future, we can say no now without feeling deprived.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Recently, I wrote about the\u00a0scarcity mindset: a zero-sum way of seeing the world that makes it hard to find joy. Scarcity mindset teaches us that there\u2019s a limited amount of good stuff in the world, and everything we want in life must come at a cost to someone else. It elevates competition over collaboration, hoarding<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6347,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[309],"tags":[600],"class_list":["post-6346","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-banner-headline","tag-abundance-mindset","enable-dropcap","disable-2-columns"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nGive from the heart<\/h3>\n
Stop chasing status<\/h3>\n
Pursue wealth instead<\/h3>\n
Wealth is a state of true abundance because it doesn\u2019t require someone else to be less wealthy in order for you to have it.<\/h6>\n
It\u2019s not to say that status will never enter the conversation.<\/h6>\n
Make friends with money<\/h3>\n
Celebrate other people\u2019s wins<\/h3>\n
Experience something limitless<\/h3>\n
Savor tHE gOOD<\/h3>\n
Don\u2019t use scarcity as an excuse<\/h3>\n
Say no, abundantly<\/h3>\n